In a society where women’s rights activists are constantly seeking ways to give women the same rights as men to inherit property and to “diyya”, the compensation paid for physical harm or death under Islamic law, it may seem somewhat pointless to be taking about women’s sexual relationships and rights.

Under Iranian law, a woman inherits half of what her brother gets from their father’s estate, and the diyya for killing a woman is half the amount that must be paid for a man. The law allows men to have more than one wife; while in a court of law, the testimony of one man is equivalent to those of two women. Another well-known legal provision is the stoning to death of wives who commit adultery.

All this becomes more a lot more complex when we remember that deep down, a large proportion of people - especially men – don’t really have a problem with these discriminatory laws.

It would be rare to find a man who would forego a portion of his inheritance when his father’s estate is divided, just so that his sister receives the same share as him. Many men are also pleased that such laws, coupled with their Iranian upbringing, allow them to get away with extramarital affairs, when the same strictures make it an unforgivable sin for a woman to have such a relationship.

Unfortunately, there are also sections of Iranian society, especially in villages and deprived urban areas, which hold even stricter views than the law when it comes to women’s rights and the conduct of relationships.

One of the manifestations of this is the phenomenon known as honour killing. The statistics indicate that a fifth of all murders in Iran fall into the category of honour killings and other sexually-related murders. In many instances, men will try to murder their wives without even being sure that they have betrayed them.

In some remote villages, little girls are still subject to female genital mutilation, a cruel practice which destroys their future emotional and marital lives.

In the smaller towns and villages, it is still common to find the degrading practice where the mother and sisters of a bridegroom-to-be inspects the prospective bride to ensure she is a virgin. Marriage of girls under the age of 12 is also still common in these areas.

Finally, the brutal tradition common among some Pakistani tribes, where men rape girls from a hostile tribe, is still practised, albeit infrequently, along Iran’s eastern borders.

I don’t want to present an altogether frightening picture of Iranian society. In actual fact, the practices I have mentioned occur rarely these days, and when they do, they cause anger and astonishment among city-dwellers. I simply have to point these things out to demonstrate that most of the problems facing women in Iran stem from being female in a male-dominated society.

In a society with male dominance and prejudice running through its veins, the shift from tradition to modernity and the process of securing women’s social rights is extremely complex and at times paradoxical.

Things get even more complicated when it comes to women’s sexual rights, as sexuality and gender are the greatest social taboos imposed on women.

In counselling married women, I have come across many cases where even after many years of marriage, they had no understanding of what an orgasm is. Problems that in the West are recognised as male sexual violence, such as intercourse without consent, remain common in Iranian society, and women don’t even see them as a form of violence.

Traditional teachings, the educational system, the nature of social relationships and the way the judicial system works have together made women subconsciously accept the concept of male sexual superiority as a fact of life. One female university students recently said in jest that Iran can be described as a paradise for dominant men, as many women who have had a traditional upbringing see sexual submission to their husbands as a fundamental principle.

In traditional Iranian society, the concept of sexual satisfaction for women is essentially without meaning. I have seen many such women who regard sexual intercourse as merely a means of satisfying the man, prolonging a shared married life and perhaps also guaranteeing continued financial support from their partner.

The latest case of this that I have come across is that of a 24-year-old woman called Leila whose husband had strongly sadistic tendencies. Her submissiveness ended up in a situation where she had 70 per cent burns and 65 per cent hearing loss. I want to stress that Leila was not a masochist and really hated the torture inflicted on her by her husband. Yet she had learned that it’s the duty of an ideal wife to satisfy her man at any cost, and she prided herself in playing that role.

Although the image I have presented is entirely accurate, it does not of course reflect the full reality. It isn’t really possible to look at marital relationships in Iran and women’s attitudes to sexual relationships unless you take a closer look at the new generation of Iranian women.

Until recent years there was talk of a sexual crisis in Iranian society. These days, however, sexual relations between girls and boys are natural and widespread. The change in attitudes among young people, especially girls, does not indicate a decline in religious or moral values, nor a weakening of family values. There is no political context, either. All that is happening is that a young, more aware generation is identifying its needs.

The social activities pursued by girls, university education, the spread of satellite TV and the internet, and the rise in general levels of knowledge have meant that middle-class girls are taking a fresh look at sexual relationships. Despite all the restrictions that are still in place, it’s become easy for girls to meet boys through internet dating sites, chatrooms, cafés, cinemas, parties and – most important of all – Tehran’s busy street life. Rightly or wrongly, girls have accepted that having friends of the opposite sex is not merely a pastime; it’s a human need. Even when it is not spelled out, it is clear that sex, planned or unplanned, is an inevitable secondary stage in this kind of relationship.

A decade ago, boys and girls would have been arrested for the offence of walking in the street together. These days, officials are promoting what they call healthy relationships between young men and women. By healthy, of course, Iran’s moral guardians mean sexual abstinence. But many girls have their own interpretation of what a healthy relationship is.

The taboo of sex has been broken for most girls of the new generation. All you have to do is look at their weblogs or look at visit a chatroom on the internet to read the explicit, even vulgar ways in which they communicate. Then it will be clear to you that you’re dealing with a different generation here.

Of course, marriage remains a fundamental aim for Iranian girls in their friendships with boys. However, the new breed of Iranian girls prefer to experience premarital sex with their future husbands. As a result, sexual satisfaction has become an important issue for these girls when they consider marriage.

For a generation influenced greatly by Hollywood role models, the idea that a woman should submit to her husband regardless of her own desires is quite unacceptable. A generation that has become aware of fetishism and sadomasochism from the internet is unlikely to suffer Leila’s fate.

These days, there are many girls who have initiated friendship and even marriage. This is a sign that Iranian girls are moving from being the second sex to the equal sex.

Official figures show that in recent years there’s been a decline in referrals to state medical experts for virginity testing. Perhaps this shows men are becoming less worried about this traditional preoccupation. But it’s probably more accurate to say that female premarital sex is now a fact that young men have to accept as a reality, even if they don’t approve of it. Girls from traditional families or the provinces have simply found ways of having sex before marriage while still remaining virgins.

The fear of unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, and worries about the disgrace an illicit sexual relationship would cause, have led to a minor trend towards homosexuality among girls. This is more evident in younger girls, especially at high school. But they differ from western lesbians in that it is less a matter of a deliberate lifestyle choice than a way of avoiding illicit sex with the opposite sex, particularly for girls in their early teens.

In recent years, there have been many video films showing girls having sex which were secretly recorded by their boyfriends and then put on the internet or distributed by other means. Often the boyfriends do it as a vindictive act against the girl, or simply for kicks. Yet the emergence of such a film can threaten not just the girl’s reputation, but also her life.

Fortunately, the judiciary has taken a tough stand on this phenomenon in recent months and it seems to have been curbed somewhat.

But the very real fear of being shamed by a secret video film has drawn some girls to seek out their own sex. When one girl caught out in this manner committed suicide a few months ago, girls’ blogs filled with articles whether the authors said they would not swap their sexual relationship with their female cousins for a relationship with any boy.

To sum up, this new generation of Iranian girls is not at all inhibited. And the new trend is spreading fast to the provincial towns and even remote villages, where the girls may be more traditional but are still curious about the world.

For this generation, sexual relationships are no longer a taboo, but a reality which cannot be suppressed.

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Dr. Mina Mohammadi-Safa, is a psychologist and women’s rights activist.

This article is an abridged and translated version of the full original text published on the Farsi pages of Mianeh, with editorial adjustments agreed with the writer made to provide clarity for English-language readers.